Reflections, by Anonymous

My life is like looking into a clear pond

While someone is throwing stones at me,

And the ripples distort each glimpse of my face that I catch.

My world has dissolved into a state of mass confusion and criticism

Because apparently I didn’t get the memo that my life is a sounding board,

And the world can just throw their ideas at me,

And watch them stick.

Like somehow my lack of conformity is an insult to my femininity,

Like somehow I am not enough of a woman because I have admitted who I am,

Like somehow the phrase “grin and bear it” should be the mantra I embrace.

And somehow I should just face the facts:

I am the freak for being different,

And they are not the monsters for driving me away.

Looking at a reflection is like looking into a funhouse mirror,

The image distorted by perceptions outside of my control,

While inside is a roiling mass of nausea as I see myself through the eyes of others.

I nearly vomit at the sight of the comedic joke in front of me,

All wavy lines that can’t seem to pick a direction

And blurry areas that don’t seem to mean anything.

Like I stand for nothing but the fake image in front of me.

I don’t know where I lost myself on this journey of self-discovery,

But I hope if I retrace my steps,

I’ll find my lost soul sitting at the hearth

Of the heart of those I have met on the way,

Who I’ve dismissed with a wave of my hand

As they calmly accept all that I am

On my quest to finally find

That one person who can tell me I’m right,

That I am wrong.

That I need to be changed.

But I will find my soul, as it sits waiting

In the company of people who see that I don’t need to be fixed,

And that the society in which we live needs a major re-do.

I can’t help but wonder

Why I started on this path,

This path of least resistance.

It seems all this time,

All I have been doing is stopping the tide from flowing

Out of my heart and into world.

Like somehow I’ve been forcing back ideas

To not upset the dam of ignorance and bias.

I stand here today to say that I will no longer be the glue

That holds together every false truth that spills from their lips.

I will be the voice that has been screaming inside me,

Screaming to be let out.

There will be no silence so long as I have a voice,

No peace while I can communicate

These thoughts and feelings.

My words can show you all the wonder I hold inside,

All the passion that once again has found a current.

I will not cease until the tides have turned

And I can look at my reflection,

See it for who I am:

Heart and soul, once more entwined

Together with the honest acceptance

That my reality is no less valid

Simply because it is different.